Many couples will call it quits in the aftermath, as evidenced by the fact that cheating is a common underlying factor in the 40 to 50 percent of marriages that end in divorce. Statistics on all aspects of infidelity — from how often it occurs to who is doing the cheating — among both heterosexual and non-heterosexual couples tend to be hard to pin down, in part because people may not tell the truth to researchers.
In the realm of heterosexual relationships, some studies have found that men cheat at slightly higher rates. Others report that men and women are on par. Celebrated psychotherapist and author Esther Perel, for one, has suggested that, while women are cheating more and more, the rate of men cheating has stayed flat. If you include emotional affairs , which do not involve sexual contact but can be just as devastating to a relationship, cheating rates increase vastly for both sexes.
One recent study based on data from the General Social Survey even suggests that women ages 18 to 29 are slightly more likely to cheat than men in the same age group. Despite the theory that straying is common and becoming more equal between genders, a recent Gallup poll on moral acceptability found that the vast majority of Americans believe infidelity is the least moral behavior among numerous controversial issues — including abortion and polygamy.
Munsch says the cultural shift is likely tied to greater expectations of marriage combined with the growing acceptance of divorce.
Relatedly, our culture frowns upon partners who remain in the relationships after the fact. Part of that judgment, van Hooff says, may link back to those high expectations for our relationships. Munsch agrees:. Given the fact that fewer women need to stay in marriages for financial security, and that divorce is more socially acceptable, the answers as to why people stay with straying partners are complex.
For Elise, who requested to use only her first name to speak candidly about the details of her relationship, that decision came down to a realization that her marriage was worth fighting for. Then, five years into their marriage, her husband confessed to having a long-term extramarital relationship. But, eventually, her stance softened, even as she took steps to protect her financial stability by providing her lawyer with bank statements, investment records and other documents in case she decided to file for divorce.
Elise says that a turning point came when she realized that no one would ever love her special-needs child the way she does; she felt she owed it to herself, and her kids, to try to keep her marriage and family unit together. Other reasons include a shared history and invested time, common goals, compatibility and — as counterintuitive as it may seem — deep love and affection.
Expert review by Kristie Overstreet, Ph. Kristie Overstreet, Ph. She is a licensed counselor in California, Florida, Georgia, and Louisiana. She is also a certified sex therapist, certified addiction professional, and president of the Therapy Department, a private practice in Orange County that provides counseling services throughout the United States.
February 24, Man or woman, gay or straight—anyone can cheat. But why? They're looking for a way out. They're looking for connection. They have sociopathic or narcissistic traits. Revenge cheating. They're struggling with substance abuse. They're struggling with their mental health. They're seeking validation.
They're denying part of their identity. They're emotionally immature. What really counts as cheating? Signs your partner may be cheating. You notice significant changes in the way they do things i. You feel like you're having a hard time getting the full information from them about certain things. You bring up a particular person or instance that seems fishy, and they get very defensive, or in other cases, they're very vague and dismissive about it.
They're suddenly putting more effort into their appearance, perhaps before work or before going out. They seem super enthusiastic about another person. They're more sexually apathetic toward you or less interested and excited by you.
All of a sudden, your partner seems extra nice, as if they're trying to make up for something. They're not accountable for where they're spending their time and in some cases, their money. There are big chunks of time when they don't want to talk about what they were doing.
They seem more irritated by you or judgmental of you, in an ongoing way. There's been a strong downgrading of sexual interest. And of course, physical evidence like emails or texts left open, an earring left behind, or condoms in their wallet. What to do about infidelity in a relationship:. Decide whether you want to stay together and work through it. Gauge if the cheating partner is actually willing to commit to change. Center the feelings of the person who was cheated on. The bottom line.
More On This Topic Love. Kelly Gonsalves. Fran Walfish , Beverly Hills-based family and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent , men are more prone to straying than women are. Of course, they cheat for a multitude of reasons, because relationships — and people — are complex.
It's two people from two different families of origin, [and we] expect them to live harmoniously together under certain rules. It's not easy! If you're currently trying to piece back a relationship, you might be wondering why your partner cheated in the first place — not that anything would excuse his behavior, and not that you shouldn't still fantasize about engaging in some Carrie Underwood-style revenge.
But in order to move forward, it helps to get to the root of the issue. Here are just a few potential causes:. People that cheat may simply like that it's off-limits. Because it feels wrong, it feels good," says Dr.
Feel like your partner is always making you out to be like Is he hiding texts from you and trying to find ways to stay out late? That is a thing that can, unfortunately, happen — and it can be a reason for straying. These second adolescents are looking for separation and individuation, but want someone at home to make them feel secure. If someone's cheating, they may have an issue with empathy. She says this is true for men and women.
Megan Fleming , licensed sex and relationship therapist.
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